i almost killed something

i, pisces, saw black glossy eyes gaping body
ridges inside – small soul too – gills forcing air
while covered in green brown plant chains
strangling slick flopping tail hook in mouth
aborted from home through procession of weeds
hooked at end of colonizer line to foreign land

i, sick coward, heard silver angel body
falling to hard muddy ground and strong
voice on how to end suffering
could not penetrate through brain’s
white noise static buzzing flies panic
watching my beloved’s tortured to say
i can’t i can’t do it i can’t please help

can’t, didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t
death, our mistress, sees synonyms

i, ashamed, did not touch writhing body
knowing to stop death of gentle fish
its decay under sun rot and pecked to skeleton
were my hands that place body into salvation 

i, frozen animal, run away
i, don’t touch me there, cower in sin
i, starving, don’t eat
i, in love, get beat or cheat
i, pisces sick coward ashamed,

watch suffering and i suffocate