ode to summer or descent to a standstill

I’ve always hated the summer with its heat and sweat and smell and long drives in hot cars with the windows down, welcoming the wind to curl my hair in ways that cover my face or nose and this might be the only good thing about summer because the less i’m seen the better and inspiration never comes when my mind is distracted on how I smell while heat and sweat trill down my back and sides till they fill a tub I’d prefer not to be in and I’ve read lots of books during the summer whose messages I’d forget by the winter’s due and I’ve also forgotten the names of new friends as I’ve Googled how to get better at remembering and how to get people to be your friend and how to get more likable and how to get a tub to drain and how to get inspiration when you’ve been looking at the same ceiling for a year and a half with so much contempt that you’d prefer the whole room burn down than accept the obvious and the summer scares me while I listen to the radio and hear songs that sound happy but really depict my descent to a standstill and at least I’m reminded to drink more water so my skin doesn’t peel as much after I’ve scrubbed the bumps away and all I have are bruises and irritation and I’ve lost family to the summer and then I lost a friend four months later which made it feel like summer all over again and maybe I lost myself then too and that was the summer that lasted all year and made me think that the White Witch was onto something by never letting Christmas come, just the bitter cold of October and November which were also part of the summer when I had to worry about how I smelled in a tight suit while I tried not to cry lying in the same room under the same ceiling imagining how the flames would dance around the fan before kissing my toes and taking my hair away, so I would never have to worry about hiding again, and as the fire spreads and consumes with its loving nature and all merciful hatred I’d have the thought that maybe the summer would never end and I’d be stuck in the room forever.